real people with fake id's
confidentiality issue


outside on the pavement
minibus drawn up
group of boys/one girl hovering
all the other girls are in a car behind
ED recording

BOY 2>can i talk now?! chad's got nits!

still waiting
couple of helpers get out of another car
BB big reaction spots MARIA

BB>maria maria [ almost like west side story ]
thought she wasnae coming back ?

CRAZYHORSE>she misses you guys

three boys exit and rock the van

BB>maria !

BB into the mike

BB>we're going bowling !
BOY 1>we're on live !

door slams
CRAZYHORSE gets in and there's a big scream from the back

engine starts
HOVERING GIRL tunes in the radio heading for 102.5fm
tunes cut by

BOY 2>put your balls in
BOY 1>matt's mingin' a bush

MATT hardly ever talks

CRAZYHORSE tells HGIRL she can go back in the car
BB leans through and turns the radio up over the engine noise

signs read: kingston bridge glasgow airport greenock
boys namecheck ibrox as it goes past
sunday mail sunday mirror complexes

REDSTRIPE>daily record huh huh

someone sounds like beavis and butthead

into the xs superbowl
mad carpet with skyscrapers like the chrysler building and the empire state on it
a wimpy and a jolly jollies pushap'ny
split for shoes
five boys on homer's meltdown and cash gordon slot machines

shoes are half and half red and white + a crepe sole

GLITTAQUEEN>like my shoes ?

on the lanes
signs: bowling shoes must be worn/no food and drink beyond this point
group splits boys ||| girls on lanes 11 12 13

screens above the lanes gridded for playing ten games
players' names down the left

name comes up i've seen at the no.11 bus stop and up in provanmill in tipex graffitti
just stare for a while

BULLITT sends a ball down a lane and knocks ten pins over straight out

mix>you get two shots/don't put me on that/idiot/john got six/you press the wee button

DRAGON gets REDSTRIPE onto the lane
DRAGON>press your name in and your name comes up

REDSTRIPE'S got a bad hand
Eights go down nines and tens

GERMAN GIRL (helper) and ED

ED> shall we have a go
GG>hmm ?
ED>shall we have a go
GG>i don't know is it ok ? can we ?
ED>i think probably
GG>i'd like to try it

bit later
CRAZYHORSE>we'll see how many we count back on the bus
as long as we're kind of there, i've got the consent forms
that's all that matters, go through them and count them
ED>oh my god ha ha

GLITTAQUEEN'S thrown one down like a netball
it rolls down the lane and she strikes ten

SWEDEN goes nawwhhh
DRAGON and BEIGE fakefight

TURQUOISE on the girls' lane with a bacardi breezer watches MCKENNA
MCKENNA (with a halo in her hair) gets fingers stuck in an 8 ball

sounds like fireworks night

30 40 67 scores on the boys' lanes
talk to CHEVRON about the guy's name i saw at the bus stop

CHEVRON>go pal him up, he's a vandal

HGIRL tips her ball
it rolls sloowwww and she gets an eight
GLITTAQUEEN backhands it down
blydi ten

GLITTAQUEEN style: flared stonewash jeans with frayed hem
glitter up the sides
blonde hair in a pink flat scrunchie

ED+GERMAN GIRL>here she goes !
TURQUOISE sends down between her last two pins and smacks both
GLITTAQUEEN goes puce coughing

GLITTAQUEEN does the jerry lee lewis finger at HGIRL
goes again
goes down the channel
okey cokey dance on the way back

ED>o my god she's holding it over her head


trak:special aka_free nelson mandela

HGIRL gently dumps a fluorescent yellow ball in GLITTAQUEEN'S lap

GLITTAQUEEN wagglebum adjusts jeans and netballs it one more time
TURQUOISE runs up behind gives her a litle push
GLITTAQUEEN gets an eight
bit of smack hands and face between them
suddenly there's three balls on the lane

staff style: red stripe shirt front
plain white back with three bowling pins motif
black trousers

trak:stranglers_golden brown

ask BULLITT how he did
he says 125 brilliant

GLITTAQUEEN sings at school says a helper
she's ace

TURQUOISE sends a good one down
licks her index
puts it in the air

trak:wet wet wet_love is all around

GLITTAQUEEN>i see you picking your knickers
she picks her knickers out her arse
ED>she what

TURQUOISE starts smothering GLITTA to stop her saying it again

GLITTAQUEENmix>she picks ha ha/she/she wah wah wah/hahhscream
/wait til she goes and takes her shot !

ED>turquoise wears a thong...?
GLITTAQUEEN>aye she thinks they're a pair of knickers so
she keeps pulling them out of her arse


ED>why's your friend so cruel to you ?
TURQUOISE>she's not !
GLITTAQUEEN>mckenna wears a wig !
and that's not on her head !
ED>oh it's my turn !

cokes and burgers turn up
boys pack around oblong tables under their lanes
girls still playing

SWEDEN sorts through sachets in sauce basket

SWEDEN>any tomato ?
GIRL>there's no tomato only barbecue

trak:beegees_how deep is your love

ED>sing it for me !
TURQUOISE>sing on that
swivels her little finger

beegees is the walkout music
past candyman crane/gacha dispenser/weird l-shaped pool table

back in the boys' van
mix>for f***s sake you weren't here/who wasnae here/i'm sitting here/shift the noo

CHEVRON>what's this going to be like on the website
DRAGON>you're joking we're not even on the royston road
ED>no...what would be a better name ?
DRAGON>blackhill project
ED>ie but it's got to have royston in it as well

door closes
radio on

BB>get them tunes blasting !

CHEVRON>come and celebrate
BB>one more time blackhill

PIRELLI is next to BB

PIRELLI>right i'll be the guide on the bus
now you see we're at a little junction
and there's a big church thing
on your left there's a wee shop with
a guy in a jacket
CHEVRON>there's a guy wet himself
PIRELLI>and to your left there's a red fence and a big sign
CHEVRON>there's a guy naked going up the hill

BB>are we going to hear this
ED>ie well you'll see it written down
CHEVRON>you're not cutting any out ?
BOY 2>words like fanny and prick and jobbies ?

BB goes into the most notorious part of_the exorcist

BOY 2>if craxsie's listening to this, craxsie you're no here because
you're robbing a house...with your uncle
BB>tonner shovel teeth he goes up to the phone box with his
one teeth screws in into the money bit
CHEVRON>that's what he picks locks with
BB>does someone have to type all this out
BB>abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz zombie

speeding van
whistling and sucking sounds

BOY 2>we're all going back to beverly hills
i mean blackhill


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